Passing IELTS part 1

Greetings everyone, today’s blog entry is going to be related to five simple letters and how to pass: IELTS.

After spending countless hours testing students on this blockage to greener pastures , I finally came to a conclusion of a few things needing to pass it. Of course you need to be up to par with your writing, listening, reading, grammar knowledge, and a stellar vocabulary. But there is something else a student needs to be able to do and this seems to be one of the parts that can kill the most ambitious and hardworking students I have ever seen…speaking.

I mean, I have seen some great students come in and fail miserably in this section and it has nothing to do with having poor speaking abilities or lack of perpetration; it has to do with anxiety.


Fear.

That’s why I have decided to pass on some words of encouragement to all of you out there that may be taking this test in the future…do not give into your fear. Let me explain it like this:
Fear/nervous tension/anxiety will take the best English speaking student and reduce him to a mumbling buffoon. You see, students fail to realize that speaking English to a friend (foreign or Chinese) or being engaged at an English corner is nothing, absolutely nothing, like sitting down and taking a one-on-one language test with a foreign expert. Nothing!

You add all the additional pressure: the test, the foreigner, the little room, the weight of a bright future in another country, and you can forget everything you ever learned about speaking, vocabulary, and all those hours preparing.
Fear can damage your voice, tone, and rhythm. I’ve heard good speakers do nothing more than incoherently mumble on the test, which in turn of course killed their fluency.

Fear can make a very attractive student come off as a robot during the test. Any of you taking the IELTS remember this: SMILE!!! Relax and tell jokes, come off as warm and energetic and exciting, because you know what, a tester loves to see that. A tester sits in that little stupid room for hours with nothing serious…a smile and a good sense of humor goes a long damn way on these test, trust me, I know!

Body language is another one of those things that teachers and books don’t tell you guys to work on, but it’s also very important on the IELTS exam. Remember; look at the tester the whole time: this shows confidence and respect. Use your hands, nod your head, and sit professionally, because these are all factored into communication. You would be surprised how many times I think the person sitting across form me during these test isn’t human. They look human and I think there speaking like a human, but they sure don’t act like a human with their unblinking eyes focused on the floor and their hands firmly latched at their sides.

All of you who might be taking the test, don’t recite answers from books or things people tell you in calls either, because you know what, the tester knows! He might hear the same line or description a thousand times in one day and he won’t buy it for a single second. What he’s going to think if you do that is: this guy can’t even answer the question himself…so guess what, you’re not going abroad! Plan but don’t memorize.

Since this is getting long I will wrap this up with one last big of advice. This one is important and deals with my main point of fear…you have got to relax as much as you can on this test. The more worried and excited you get, the worse you do. Students who come in calm and collected always score higher on the spoken test.

Okay, I’m going to finish this now, but don’t worry, I will try to have another article up soon. I’m not sure about what, but it will be fantastic! Also, start downloading those materials I have for you on the site. I put them there for you, but nobody is taking them. It makes my little heart break.

Talk to you guys later,
Jason Guinn

Zeitgeist!

Welcome, dear readers, to another blog from me. I know it's been ages and ages since the last, but I thought I'd finally update this blasted thing and give all of you loyal hopefuls something interesting and cool to watch.

Below, I have posted three video's that I hope you will take some time to watch. Its called Zeitgeist: the Movie and its all about three of my favorite things: mythology, 9/11, and of course banks and their never ending drive for more money and of course world power. All three of these are discused during the film, which also includes incredible footage and voice overs from some of the greatest speakers and speeches in the past century.

Now I'm not asking you to believe this documentary. There are things in here that are better left as creative ideas than cold hard facts, because if they turned out to be true, it would seriously alter the entire face of the planet--religion especially. Regardless of that, I want you to watch this film and learn to do what I do...and that's question everything. Don't let one side, one media, on source, be the only thing you believe. There are elements in this crazy and fucked up world that will do whatever they can do destroy, tempt, and control you. All I want you to do is watch and learn from a different point of view. That's it. Question's, they say, lead to enlightenment.

So what, exactly, is a Zeitgeist? Well Zeigeist is a German expression literally translated: Zeit, time; Geist, spirit, meaning "the spirit of the age and its society."The word zeitgeist describes the intellectual, cultural, ethical and political climate of an era or also a trend. In German, the word has more layers of meaning than the English translation, including the fact that Zeitgeist can only be observed for past events. Since this movie focuses on Jesus, 9/11, and Banks--its all past, but we can't deny how strong these things have shaped our world today. Jesus and the Christian faith is one of the most celebrated religions in the world. 9/11, for American's at least, is very important--but what about you, my Chinese Friends? Well 9/11 has closed America off, caused 2 major conflicts, and started a war without end--a war on Terror. And Banks? Well, hell, we all have them. This movie will show you how America's national bank works and that, in turn, may help you understand how the National Bank of China controls you!

Interesting, right? Well enough talking...watch the film. When your done please feel free to let me know what you think! Also, if it doesn't work, just click the box and download the java link needed to view the video.

What makes a champion?

I recently become interested in China's sports training methodology after seeing a series of disgusting photographs in a Wuhan magazine. I wasn't able to find those images to post here, but I found a small sample to show you what I saw.

Now I don't speak or read Chinese, so I didn't understand what the article was about. I guess, since the images were so disgusting, it was going to be condemning the sports schools for their lack of compassion with their young talent.

I was wrong. The magazine article was actually praising the schools for their harsh treatment of children in order to produce the sports stars of tomorrow. What shocked me most was how parents wanted their kids to be treated so harshly in the programs. Now I'm a future parent and if I ever saw my child being treated harshly by their coach, not only would I kick the shit out of the coach, but I would fight to get the school shut down.

Chinese parents must be stupid or insane to believe that just because their kids attend a sports school that suddenly they have a future superstar. Think about how many kids are enrolled in these programs through out the country and then the limited amount of spots avaliable. Earth to fools--guess what--IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! Just like if you send your kid to a Havard, it doesn't mean he's going to become a genuis. Sometimes a jack ass is always a jack ass.

Case in point can be clearly seen in the following picture:

Nothing could save George W. Bush from being a stupid asshole, not even an Ivy League school.

Anyway...back to the main point and that's the treatment of kids in these harsh schools. When Children in America are trained for the Olympics and what not, they are not subjected to these kind of nightmarish conditions as these poor children are and they still walk away champions. One has to ask the simple question: does this really work?

I think most Chinese coahes will say yes. I mean there is no denying how amazing these kids are, I mean just look at all the young talent at this years Olympic games and how many gold medals they walked away with.

To an American, however, we would scream no it doesn't. We have a lot of Gold Medal winners in the United States who go to good schools, have lives, and avoid these training conditions like this. If they can walk away with Gold Medals and steal a few from China in the process, then we will say no.

I understand every country has their own conditions and standards set and will stand by them no matter what other people say. I will aruge until blue in the face that training is one thing and tortue is another thing entirely.

Better off Dead Novel Expert

In four days the fate of the world will be decided by two men. It's just a damn shame it had to be Seth Black and Jimmy Fetcher.

Upon request, I have decided to post the first chapter to my novel, "Better Off Dead." It is a dark fantasy piece that follows the last four days of earth as the would-be heroes trek across America towards Hays County, Kansas where the finale battle between good and evil is set to take place.

On one side is Seth Black, a down-on-his-luck loser who just happens to be the Antichrist. Depressed and highly suicidal, Seth is thrust headlong into a startling world of dark miracles, trips to Hell, angelic assassinations, a reunion with his estranged father Satan, and into the very thralls of Armageddon itself. In the end Seth must decide if he should fight for his father and save the woman he loves, or save mankind from extinction.

On the other side is Seth’s nemesis and last of God’s mortal bloodline, a gay novelist named Jimmy Fetcher. Successful and happy, Jimmy gets sucked into a battle he wants nothing to do with. As his fears mount and his own personal doubts grow, Jimmy must come to terms with his destiny or else the world will surely burn.

Book One
In the beginning there was nothing and God said,
“Let there be light,” and there was still nothing
but now everyone could see it.
- Dave Thomas-


(1.)
At the Gates of Hell

A 1980 Ford Granada spewed from the gates of Hell like a regurgitated piece of beef. Bathed in hellfire, the car swerved drunkenly along a deserted back road.

The arrival should have been a secret, but that didn’t prevent a curious stray lamb from witnessing the unusual event. Before it had a chance to blink or even Baaa, the car slammed into it. The lamb burst like a watermelon packed with TNT, sending blood and entrails flying in a multitude of directions.

As for the car, it looked like some forgotten relic stolen from a junkyard by some mentally challenged vagrants. It had dents, dings, and a tailpipe that dragged noisily behind it and kicked up a trial of yellow sparks. Cancerous brown rust covered much of the frame.

The car came to a thunderous halt. As the dust began to settle and the last remnants of the hellfire dissipated on the car’s hood, an eerie calm crept over the area as the world seemed to wait nervously for the occupants to appear.

It didn’t wait long.

The passenger door creaked open, and from its interior came the rotten smell of gym socks and maggoty meat. The repugnant stench caused birds roosting nearby to bolt.

A black male, wheezing and coughing like an asthmatic after a marathon, slithered out of the car on his hands and knees. He didn’t look threatening, but that’s how Asteroth, one of the Seven Princes of Hell, wanted it.

The demon struggled to rise but instead, ended up tumbling down a nearby ditch. Aster landed with splash in about five inches of vile gutter water. Breathing like a rabid dog, Aster began his painful adjustment to the world of the living. He hacked and heaved as his lungs expelled massive amounts of blackish phlegm. Desperate to rid himself of it, the demon took huge gulps of the water swirling around his skinny ankles not caring what he swallowed.

This proved fatal to his digestive system, which revolted instantly. Doubling over, hands resting on his shaky knees, all the water came spewing out of his mouth. The stench of the rancid water made when mixed with his vomit proved grave to the mosquito’s population who used the area as a breeding ground for more of their blood-sucking spawn. They died in droves.

The fumes didn’t serve Aster any better. His head throbbed as his stomach continued expelling everything from his intestines, even things he couldn’t remember eating. Exhausted, Aster collapsed on the soft rise of the ditch.

Back at the car stood an identically dressed demon. Stout like an overripe cherry and bearded like one of the Caribbean pirates, this bald demon wore his repugnance for humanity proudly.
With his baldhead glistening in the deepening twilight, the High Marshal of Hell, Beelzebub, enjoyed a cigarette. In order to avoid suspicion while traveling through the world of the living, he shortened his name to Buzz.

Home sweet home, he thought maniacally, his eyes transfixed on the lambs entrails smeared across the blacktop. He could see the head and body lying on opposite sides of the road. Nonchalantly, Buzz took out his cigarette, cleared his throat loud enough for people in Thailand to hear, and then spat a wad of snot on the pavement. He watched with gunmetal eyes as the vile substance ate through the concrete.

I hate this fucking place, Buzz thought as he took another drag from his smoke. Can’t wait to watch it burn.

Buzz took a few calculated steps towards the edge of the ditch and paused. Down below he could see the worthless prick sprawled on the side, motionless.

“You gonna stay down there all damn night or what?”

Aster waved his hand dismissively at the High Marshal.

“Well, shake it off already, we got a schedule to keep!”

Buzz was clueless as to why, out of all the Lords in Hell, Lucious had paired him with the damn blossom among the thorns. Most demons, from the lowest ranking imps to the most powerful of lords, despised the human race. Aster, on the other hand, tended to embrace them. It turned out the asshole loved their humble characteristics and their wide range of emotions like forgiveness, optimism, compassion, and even the most appalling of mortal traits, love. For something of this magnitude, Buzz preferred to have the aid of Moloch or Baal, demons renowned for their hatred of humankind. But no, he got stuck with Hell’s only flower child. This sucks, he thought returning to the car to wait.

Leaning against it, Buzz took one last drag of his smoke and then flicked it into the nearby brush, hoping for a blaze. Reaching into his pocket, Buzz pulled out a pack of Halleluiah Lights and patted it against his plump palm.

Come on, Aster, for Christ’s sake.

Tearing open the packaging with his jagged teeth, he could hear Aster moaning. Shaking his head he shouted, “For shit sake, Aster, shake it off! Did Lucious send me here with a lord or godforsaken imp?”

That silence that preceded his question told him everything.

“Retard,” Buzz grumbled, snapping his finger. Instantly, a reddish flame appeared on the end of his fat finger. Using the unholy fire to light his cigarette, Buzz took a large satisfying drag and then blew out his finger.

He rubbed the edges of his eyes and prepared to do the one thing he loathed more than innocence, waiting. With Armageddon approaching, Buzz didn’t have the time to stand around for Aster. If he didn’t move his ass quick, Buzz had no issues leaving him there to rot.
Back in the ditch, Aster struggled to muster enough strength to start the difficult climb topside. Buzz never had a problem with the adjustment phase, probably because of his high pain threshold, but Aster went from a one-man wrecking crew to a fish out of water. His joints felt like jelly, and he was having difficulty breathing. Aster wasn’t sure how he was going to manage, but he knew he had to do something, because Buzz wasn’t going to wait long. Patience was not in the High Marshall’s vocabulary, which meant if he didn’t suck-it-up, he might find himself walking to Judgment Day.

He took a deep breath and started his ascension.

Though slow, he made steady progress. Thankfully, Aster reached the road. Pulling himself to his feet, he noticed an enormous sign off in distance illuminated by a few dull yellow lights. Deciphering the monkey dialect, he read the sign: Welcome to New Jersey. Under normal circumstances, the predicament wouldn’t be very bad, especially since New Jersey had its own devil, but for them this proved to be a grievous error.

“Oh shit,” Aster muttered as he headed towards the car at a quick stumble. Getting closer, he saw Buzz resting against it asleep. Asleep!

Aster opened his mouth to speak, but Buzz cut him off. “You finished, princess, or would you like to squander more of our precious time?”

“I’m finished, but didn’t you…”

Buzz cut him. “Fuck me, Aster, do you know how bad you smell?” Buzz asked, shaking his head.

“You smell like human fecal mater.”

“Buzz—”

“You know, I’ve never met a Lord who had more trouble adjusting to the Middle World than you. Shit, I’ve seen imps do it more gracefully than you just did.”

“We’re in the wrong place,” Aster said, too fatigued to listen to Buzz belittle him. Too bad for him, Buzz continued his rant with the expert decorum of a purebred asshole.

“Do you have any idea of how much time you just cost us?” Buzz asked, rolling the sleeves of his black suit jacket to reveal a watch made out of human bone. He read it and then said curtly, “Two hours and twenty-five-fucking-minutes. Poof, gone, because your sorry ass is weaker than a scrawny imp.”

“We’re in the wrong place,” Aster repeated, hoping it would register this time. It didn’t, and an annoyed Aster had to stand there and wait for his next chance to speak. Knowing Buzz and his rage, he knew he might be standing there for a long time.

“Did you forget our time frame? This narrow fucking margin in which we have to achieve our goals?” Buzz used four stubby digits to reinforce his point. “We’ve got four days to get everything done. Armageddon is not going to wait for us!”

“WE’RE IN THE WRONG FUCKING PLACE!”

“Say it, don’t spray it,” Buzz said, cleaning a few droplets of spittle from his face. Restrained he asked, “How do you know we’re in the wrong place? Your ass has been at the bottom of a ditch.”

“I saw a sign.”

Buzz scoffed. “You saw a sign?”

“Christ, Buzz, it’s over—”

“I didn’t see any omens. Did it come to you in a dream or something?”

Aster sighed. “Not an omen, you dolt, a bloody sign.” Aster turned and pointed at the billboard glowing brightly in the distance and then focused back on Buzz. “I don’t see anyway around it, we need to notify the boss.”

“Have you lost your mind?” Buzz asked, his eyes burning brightly in their shallow sockets. “Don’t tell me you forgot what he did the last time you made a mistake. If I remember correctly, the wounds are just now starting to mend. And that was over something small. How do you think Lucious is going to respond finding out how we fucked this up?”

“Then what are you suggesting?”

“Keeping our mouths shut for starters.”

“I suppose we could just enter another rift and—”

“And what—hope for the best? What if the rift dropped us in China or at the bottom of the Goddamn Atlantic? What would we do then?”

“What do you suggest?”

Buzz thought, weighing their options on his mental scales before answering, quite matter-of-factly, “We drive.”

“Drive? Isn’t that going to be slow?”

“It’s better than any of your dimwitted suggestions.”

“But what about the deadline?”

“I know about the Goddamn deadline. Since your two suggestions are completely idiotic and undoable, I think we have little choice but to do mine. So let’s go.”

The demons scrambled inside the car with Buzz positioned behind the steering wheel and Aster riding bitch. As the High Marshal punched the gas, Aster opened the glove box and pulled out a red folder.

“Find out where he is,” Buzz commanded. “I don’t want to make any mistakes from here on out. We’ve got to do things perfect from now on.”

Aster opened the folder and saw a smorgasbord of information linked to the Antichrist. Things like family history, various notes on his educational development, travels, previous sexual engagements, and a ton of recent photos. Not interested in any of that, Aster flipped to Seth’s personal information located in the back. Here was more useless information like Seth’s favorite color, height, weight, and even his sexual preferences (straight, but with homosexual undertones).

“Where is his address?” Aster asked feeling discouraged.

“It’s got to be there, keep looking.”

He continued scanning. “Do you remember what they said during the briefing?”

“What?”

Aster looked up. “The briefing? Didn’t you take notes or something?”

“Of course I took notes.”

“Then what did they said, because I don’t remember?”

“Don’t play games with me damn it, just tell me where we’re going.”

Aster cocked his head to the side. “You can’t tell me?”

“Oh for Christ’s sake, you can’t be serious.”

“You didn’t listen, did you?”

“Some.”

Aster started laughing. “That’s why you didn’t know we were in the wrong spot!”

“Shut up, asshole, and tell me where we’re headed.”

Aster reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a small black notebook. He flipped past a few pages and a couple of doodles before finding the exact location of the Antichrist. Confidently, he answered, “Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.”

“Get the map.”

Aster reached back inside the glove compartment and pulled out what should have been a road map. Instead, when unfolded, revealed the layout of Michael Jackson’s Neverland Valley Ranch.

“You got it?”

“I got something,” Aster answered, showing him the map.

“You got to be fucking kidding me. How fantastic is that? A map to someplace we ain’t going.”

“We can always ask for directions.”

“I know that, asshole,” Buzz snapped. “It’s just the principle that bothers me. Just once, I wish things would go in our favor. Is that really asking too much?”

“Not at all.”“Shut up, Aster.”

China is Fatter than America?!

Congratulations China as you officially become the fattest country in the world. How could this happen? I'm American and I'm used to seeing obese people walking down the street in their small shirt with their flabby belly's dangling beneath, but not China. To be completely honest, I don't want to see this health problem in China either. Its such a beautiful place that shouldn't be filled with ugly people.


To be honest, I'm not surprised. I could see this coming a million miles away after arriving here back in 2002. I used to teach kids at New Oriental School in Wuhan and saw the problem clearly right away after a few months working there. Now keep in mind I worked in the kids department there for over 3 years and taught anywhere between 2 and 3 thousand students. I saw all kinds. Thin. Cute. Annoying. Retarded. Even fat. My god, did I see some EXTREMELY fat kids at that school.


During a two hour class, students would get a ten minute break. No sooner did the bell ring did all these screaming 'Little Emperors' rush to the snack shop and buy sodas, ice creams, potato chips, and other unhealthy snacks. I can remember teaching a Kindergarten level one time and a boy was drinking a chocolate flavored coffee and eating an ice cream--and he was 5 years old!!!

New's flash people--children should not be drinking coffee for two reasons. One, it gives them so much energy that they can't sit down for a single solitary second without screaming their stupid heads off. Secondly, probably most importantly too, it stuns growth. If you want your kid to be tall and level headed--LAY OFF THE COFFEE!


Back to the main point about China becoming the fattest nation in the world. Now before you say I'm lying or start demanding my head on a silver platter...this observation about China wasn't created by me or some insane foreign news agency. The news was released by China's own national department called, and I kid you not, the Chinese National Task Force on Childhood Obesity. According to numbers reported by China's own government and report by the UN and the WHO (World Health Organization), there are currently 200 million obese people living in China today. Sadly, more than most of those people are children.



Here are some of the numbers released today by China and their department head Ding Zongyi. According to Chinese experts, obesity has increased in China by 156 percent between 1996 and 2006. The number of overweight kids grew the strongest and most steady as more than 52 percent of Chinese children in 11 major cities are now obese.

In a recent interview with the AFP, Ding Zongyi said: "This rate of increase has gone out of control." The main problem, as pointed out by Chinese health officials is that the obesity rate has exceeded economic growth. That shouldn't be surprising, as Dng will explain in a moment, because as our money increases the more laxed our lifestyles become. Poor people walk, ride bikes, take buses--rich people drive cars. Poor people eat a lot of healthy vegetables, little meat, and almost no fatty foods or foreign foods--Chinese rich people over eat, drink way too much, and enjoy the lavish lifestyle of the elite. The fact is, the richer a country, the fatter it's people. Look at America, Britian, and most of Western Europe. Obese people are everywhere! And noe this horrible infliction has come to China.

Ding explains: "When a poor person gets richer, the first thing he does is to get better food. That's a big driver of obesity," said Ding.

The scary part is, according to Chinese health officials, things are just starting and will continue to grow worse of the government doesn't start doing something now. What's interesting, most Chinese health officials are focused on the country side, where most people dont' have enough food, rather than on the big cities where people have too much food. Now that's an interesting situation if you ask me.




So what is causing this problem? Well here are some possible reasons:

1.) One-child policy.


With only one kid, most parents and grandparents tend to reward kids with food. Problem is this food is high in calorie and fat and the poor fat kids don't get to work it off with play--instead sit around all day playing games, watching television, and growing fatter. A lot of parents and grandparents kiss these kids asses constantly, letting them get away with murder before being punished. These little assholes are going to grow into asshole adults who will always be demanding to come first in everything: career, relationships, and in family. What does that mean? For one, an increase in divorce since neither man or woman understand the idealogy of compromise. It will lead to more corruption in big business and on the government level, as they will continue doing whatever it is they want since that's the way its always been. With weight--it will lead to more unhealthy lifestyles choices and an early grave.




2.) Acceptance of Western fast food.


Chinese love it. Don't believe me? Go to any McDonald's or KFC in China and see how busy it is. Those place are swarming with kids and adults alike. The snacks to are extremely popular: cookies, biscuits, chocolate, ice cream, candy bars, etc. It's everywhere! And parents keep giving this crap to their kids even though they look like the kids below. When your five year old kid has bigger tits than a hippo, it's time to put those kids on a diet!





3.) Lack of free time and physical activity.

This is a problem Americans have too. Not the free time issue, but physical activity. Most American schools, like in China, have cut back on PE. According to Chinese Health Officials, Chinese schools now only have 2 hours of physical activity training per week. This is a shame considering how young people's bodies are always growing!

On a side note, with Chinese parents and schools putting more stress on young people with excessive homework during the summer holidays and all the stupid tests...it's no wonder kids in China are starting to look like whales and start going gray by time their in middle school. Give these kids a little freetime to take better care of their bodies, hearts, and minds!

Some other interesting notes posted by the Chinese Health officials are very interesting indeed. For instance, boys are fatter than girls--with 22 percent of boys being overweight compared to 17 percent of girls.

Another problem is linked to our loving grandparents, as Ding explains: "The one-child policy led parents to overprotect their children. The behaviour of grandparents are of special concern -- they tend to overfeed their grandchildren because they think that being fat is a sign of the family's wealth."

Now I love Chinese people, but man, that kid is UGLY!!! Earth to parents of that baby...he's fat. He's super fat. Hell, he might be one of the fattest babies I've ever seen in my life. Hell, he probably ate some other poor family's baby and six dogs, two goats, and all their chickens!

According to the WHO (World Health Organization) another thing changing is food portion. The WHO claims that: "In an agrarian economy, with a limited food supply, the Chinese people historically ate small portions and worked off those calories in the fields. Calorie intake and portion sizes have increased at the same time that the economic system has shifted to more sedentary lifestyles. It is the perfect storm for the obesity crisis."

So let me ask all of you a simple question. What are you going to do about this? Do you guys really want to be known as the fattest country in the world? Do you really want people making fun of you when your walking down the street because your ass takes up it's own seat on a bus or you can't see your eyes because your face is too fat? Do you really want to never see your feet again? I don't think so. So how about we change this before it gets worse!

Educate your kids on how to eat well. Don't let your kids eat and drink whatever the hell they want! And to the parents...lets your kids go out and play some fucking sports once in a while instead of letting them waste away in their rooms studying for stupid tests! My mother used to force me to go out and play when I stayed in my room too long playing computer games or watching too much television. Is it so hard for you guys to do the same? Come on China (this includes you fat ass Americans too) let's beat this problem!

Racism and the Olympics?

For those of you who can't tell what these Spanish basketball players are doing, then allow me to explain. They are making 'Chinese' slanted eyes at the camera for a Li-Ming ad in Spain.

According to the players it wasn't a sign of disrespect. But how can it not be? This is one of the oldest and simpliest ways to insult the proud people of China! The players since this photo was leaked across the globe have pretty much ignored it or said a few off hand remarks about it being a small thing and, get this, they apologize for it.

You know Spain--sorry's only get you so far! I think they should beg the Chinese for forgiveness at the start of their next game or all the fans should pelt them with eggs!

Racism should not be welcomed in any way, shape, or form at the Olympics! Give me a Hell Yeah if you support me!

Olympics

I feared the opening ceremony of the 2008 Beijing Olympics. It wasn't like I didn't think China couldn't pull it off, it was just I didn't want Zhang Yimou to mess it up like he did the closing ceremony of the Athens games back in 2004. Those of us who saw it remember the horror of watching him rape and destroy the beauty of Chinese culture by transforming it into something cheap and ugly. Here are a few pictures to remind you of the ghastly event.

Remember the really lame Kung Fu? I never knew someone could make something as beautiful and exciting as Kung Fu look gay, but some how Zhang Yimou managed to do it.

And what about this? I wonder what yellow movie he was watching when he came up with this glorious idea. He was probably sitting around with his friends, drinking beer, and watching some young girls stripping at some bar when he said: "You know, I should do something like this at the end of the games. Only I'll dress up the strippers in short skirts disguised as traiditional clothes and put instruments in their hands. That would be HOT!"

Now this was a great idea. Let's put a little girl on top of a giant lantern and then blow it up! The look on that terrified girl's face sparked anger and outrage in China and around the rest of the world.

But to be honest, I think Zhang Yimou needed this to fail. Why? Well, he needed to have his ego checked before stepping in the most important role of his career--directing the opening ceremony of the Olympic games. Had this been highly praised, then his ego would have skyrocketed to epic porporations and the 2008 opening would have been a disaster.

Instead, what we got, was something amazing. Zhang Yimou managed to create something beautiful and everlasting. On August 8th, he created, without question, the most grad opening ceremony in living history. He didn't just do that with a bunch of girls in short skirts lip singing to a soundtrack, but by creating live art, amazing dances, and mind boggling effects. On several occassions during the event I found myself wondering, HOW THE HELL ARE THEY DOING THAT?! THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE!

But Zhang Yimou made the impossible possible. I know China spent well over 300 million dollars on the opening, but man, did they spend their money well! One report I heard from an American journalist was the reaction the designer of the British opening ceremony gave--by bowing his head in shame. I can't say I blame him, because how can you surpass perfection?

I don't think they can. Here are a few pictures of the event!

Who can forget the drums? This was beyond cool. The light effects, the countdown to the ceremony, and then the song at the end. The only way to describe this moment was WOW.

And what about this part. To be honest, this was one of my favorite parts. That ball was awesome. I like how the people ran around it like flames when it became the sun. The only problem with this part, of course, was what was on top of the ball. Sara Brightman looked stunning, while her Chinese counter-part looked like he he rushed to the games after oversleeping! Seriously, would have killed China to spend a little money on getting that guy a suit?! Other than that very small compliant...this part was great!

And of coures, the fireworks. Keep in mind that China told the world that this was going to be a green olympics--but doesn't shooting a lot of fireworks CREATE pollution? The air smells like gas and all that paper is going to fall to the ground, right? Oh well, who cares, it looked stunning!

In Closing, I think China should be damn proud of themsevles for pulling off a great show and a highly successful Olympics. China, without question, has made that grand leap to the global stage! And besides that, they're kicking everyone's ass as they get one gold medal after the other. CHINA, CHINA, CHINA!


Oh, and America is doing a good job to.

I Like Chinese

Hey,

Just a quick note. I posted a video at the bottom of the blog I hope you guys will check out. It's a funny song called, "I Like Chinese." It's written and performed by famous comedy group, Monty Python from Britian. It's all in good fun and actually has a very positive message! Listen and tell me what you think. Enjoy!

I've also added the lyrics so you can sing along!

The world today seems absolutely crackers,
With nuclear bombs to blow us all sky high.
There's fools and idiots sitting on the trigger.
It's depressing and it's senseless, and that's why...
I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
They only come up to your knees,
Yet they're always friendly, and they're ready to please.

I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
There's nine hundred million of them in the world today.
You'd better learn to like them; that's what I say.

I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
They come from a long way overseas,
But they're cute and they're cuddly, and they're ready to please.

I like Chinese food.
The waiters never are rude.
Think of the many things they've done to impress.
There's Maoism, Taoism, I Ching, and Chess.

So I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
I like their tiny little trees,
Their Zen, their ping-pong, their yin, and yang-ese.

I like Chinese thought,The wisdom that Confucious taught.
If Darwin is anything to shout about,
The Chinese will survive us all without any doubt.

So, I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
They only come up to your knees,
Yet they're wise and they're witty, and they're ready to please.

All togetherChinese.

I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
Their food is guaranteed to please,
A fourteen, a seven, a nine, and lychees.

I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
I like their tiny little trees,
Their Zen, their ping-pong, their yin, and yang-ese.

I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
They only come up to your knees...

A comment about China

China--a country boasting the world's largest population, this year's Olympic games, and 16 of the 20 most polluted cities in the world.


China is home to the panda.

Not that one.


This one.

Isn't she cute? Look at her little baby! Wow. You know, I was thinking, how cool would it be if a panda actually DID know Kung Fu? I think that would kick serious ass! Besides, it would make these cute fluffy balls of white and black fur more interesting--because, let's be honest here, they don't do much. In fact, all they do is sit around all day and eat, drink, sleep, crap, and eat. They eat so much sometimes that the boy panda's have zero interest in all the cute female pandas! What a shame, tsk. tsk.

Anywhoo--I'm not sure how many of you out there have seen Kung Fu Panda, but seeing as it's made so much money in America and abroad, I'm sure you have. I thought the movie was bloody fantastic! It was funny, had a beautiful theme, and made Chinese traditional culture (kung fu, food, and scenic locations) look stunning. The mounts, the temples--breath taking. The food and the battle over the dumplings--pricless! The great lines, "Everyday is a gift, that's why they call it a present." AWESOME! How can you NOT like this movie?

I know since its release, especially here on the Mainland, this film has sparked some harsh words from some Chinese--not many, but some. I believe everyone has a right to protest over any issue they feel strongly about, but I'll be the first to admit I didn't understand the hate for this film. Let me explain why.

First, it will introduce the Chinese culture to scores of children and people all over the planet who might, under different circumstances, not give a rats ass about China or its wonderfully mysterious culture. I can remember one reason I came to China in teh first place was due to film--movies like Bruce Lee's "Return of the Dragon," and "The Big Boss," plus films by Jet Li, Jacky Chan, etc. These were windows to a world that I, being an American, knew nothing about. I got to see things about China that made me want to come here and see first hand what it was like. Six years later, I'm not disappoitned.

Another reason the film should be supported by Chinese is a simple one, the panda. The poor lazy bear is endangered and in trouble, but if you make people fall in love with it, they will support with money, aid, and their hearts. When the film Happy Feet came out a while back about penguins, kids all over the world showed support against Global Warming and environmental protection. That's pretty sweet considering the movie is about dancing and singing birds.

So why all the hate?

"America made the Panda ugly!" They did? I thought he was extremely funny and cute. The fight for the dumplings had me rolling on the floor like a retard.

"American's are exploiting Chinese culture for money!" At least they are presenting Chinese culture in an interesting and fun way so it will appeal to a larger auidence. Think about this: people who like the film will want to come to China to see the REAL Panda and to experience REAL kung fu. These are call tourist. Tourist bring money and money helps the big economic machine keep turning. That's a good thing! I wish we made a movie called Boxing Eagle or something, that way people would want to come to my stupid country! Oh well...

In the future, I plan on in the coming weeks and months, doing a series of articles about China. I want the whole world to know more about this fantastic country!

A Poem

Hello everyone!

A couple of days ago I was teaching a class about the thrills and chills of writing. Being a writer myself, it always pains me to hear when people think that one of the greatest forms of self-expression, enlightment, and imagination is BORING. So I taught my students about writing, how to write, and of course gave them homework. What kind of teacher would I be if I didn't torture my students with a little extra bit of outside work?

So they had to write poems. Last night we transformed the classroom into an open mic-night as student after student came to the front of the room to read their poems. I pushed them to embody the poem with passion, feeling, and life--some did this, while others, well, just read. I was pleasently surprised by some of the poetry I heard last night. Some of them were deep, meaningful, and powerful. It just goes to show that language and art knows no limits!

Anyway, I promised my students that I would perform my own poem as well. To bad for me, I didn't have one. During the break, I ran down to the teacher's office, flicked on the computer, and wrote the following poem. I'm not posting it because I think it's awesome or the best thing since sliced bread, but...it is my first attempt at poetry in 5 years and I think...it's okay. Not great. Not bad. Just okay.

Well, I hope you guys enjoy this narrative poem.

Unsoiled Dream

by Jason Guinn

Little happy monkey,

frolicking through the trees,

unaware that it willbe meet death, begging, on its knees.

Gliding through the green canopy,

vine to vine,

it feels the thrilling rush of being alive.

Up a head,

a beauty catches his eye,

a young love he can't miss,

for her he will fly.

Faster,

faster,

and faster still,

he lands beside her with nothing to fear.

He flashes a smile,

gives a wink.

ll of this fails,

as the whole canopy sinks.

A mighty boom,

and a wicked crash,

sends the monkeys to the forest floor in a frightful flash.

The girl is snagged by men in yellow hats,

the male pats,

snarls,

and barks,

as the men lock her in a steel cage.

"It's rabid," one man shouts.

The monkey has not chance to refute,

as they shoot it down.

One shot,

as all it took,

to kill a perfect...

unsoiled dream.

That's it. That's the poem. I hope you enjoyed it and this entry into the blog. In the coming days I will be posting more stuff on here as well as some cool new features so please, keep coming back!

The First Post

Welcome everyone to the NEW and IMPROVED blog.

This is my third time trying to establish one of these stupid things, so I hope everything goes smoothly. For those of you stopping by for the first (and possibly last time) let me introduce what this place is going to have in the coming weeks.

Read below for those fun facts!

1.) Tips for improving English.

2.) Book experts from my novel "BETTER OFF DEAD"

3.) Random stuff I find interesting

4.) Interesting tidbits about the best damn place on earth, China!

5.) And of course, pictures, pictures, pictures.

Did I mention pictures?

Anyway--welcome to the World of Sticks, a blog that focuses on all those people nobody actually cared about, because they didn't know they existed. But all that is going to change so get ready to have your brain blown out the back of your cranium!

The WORLD OF STICKS is open for business.